What do I do if, I was unfaithful in my relationship?
You cheated on your partner no, it’s not an easy matter, but is there a way to fix it? Here are some points to consider to see what is best for you, your partner, and the relationship.
Cheating on your partner is a rather delicate matter. Before you enter the inevitable spiral of guilt and think about all the consequences of infidelity.
You first have to analyze and reflect on some points, before knowing what you should do with this matter.
WHY DID I DO IT? I was unfaithful!
One of the first things you should analyze is why you did it. Psychological studies have reached many conclusions. One of them is that you are not happy with your current relationship. You do not find a way to deal with your partner, so you do something you should not.
Another conclusion is that you looked for something that you did not have in your current relationship. Which does not necessarily mean that you are unhappy just not what you are looking for so much?
That is why, before cutting the ties, cutting or anything else, we are sorry: you have to sit with yourself and study why your actions and what you should do.
I was unfaithful – Being unfaithful in my relationship can result from several factors.
You must analyze what happens inside you!
Many believe that doing this immediately is the right thing to do, but the truth is that it has a somewhat selfish background. Mainly because it is something that will deeply hurt your partner.
Most of the time someone confesses infidelity to heal their guilt, Not to make the other person feel good. We must return to the last point: you have to think about why you did it, and before throwing that bomb at your partner.
It would be best to start the conversation about what you need. And if the reason you were unfaithful is that you are not happy that is when you should reconsider the relationship.
Because if you are unhappy or not comfortable in the link, you will continue to look for ways to hurt her, and incidentally, spoil yourself.
The thoughtful woman while her partner sleeps
Before running to tell your partner if you committed infidelity, it is best first to analyze what happens in your heart.
Some psychologists recommend not telling your partner if you want to save the relationship, it means you will have to keep a secret, but this is if you’re going to stay in the contact.
As we said before, if you fell into the temptation of infidelity because you are not happy in the relationship, it is when you must take action on the matter.
However, accompanied by the advice to continue in your relationship without mentioning this slip. Here is the fact that that you must, yes or yes, work on your feelings and emotions. Much better if you go to therapy with a professional.
No, confessing everything to your partner will not necessarily improve things, and it is most likely to end in the breakdown of the relationship. It is a delicate matter.
As we said, but it is worthwhile to analyze the feeling of guilt, which perhaps does not come from deception, but in looking elsewhere.
Saying it or not to your partner is something you should take care of; As we said, it is difficult news to digest, and you will have to analyze the past, present, and future of the relationship.
Thoroughly examine your heart, your mind, and do not punish yourself so much; The important thing is to see what happens inside you and find a way not to hurt those who love you.
And if that means letting them go or continue while you seek help, don’t be afraid to face these situations.
This is a day in the life of an infidel –
I was unfaithful
A study has generally revealed what an infidel does since he wakes until he returns home.
Have you ever wondered how and how much an adulterer cheats? Because, although there are signs that lead to betray him – or at least to raise suspicion -.
Many times it is not that he masters the art of deceit with mastery but that everything happens while he is not “guarded.”
To our fate, Ashley Madison, the famous dating site for infidels on the internet. Revealed how the behavior of 1,665 of its members is and thus not leave us with curiosity. Prepare to be surprised.
As soon as the rooster sings, 33% of respondents confessed that the first thought of the day goes to their affair. So whoever says that fantasizing about another person does not border on infidelity; in this case, the perspective changes.
The interaction appears and increases gradually as the morning passes; While 25% contact their lover on the way to work. 27% expect to do so when they arrive at the office. The message that sends 95%? Nothing naughty at all; it is the traditional “good morning.”
Things do not look so good later. Many people believe that third parties in discord enjoy more significant benefits. That everything is laughter and fun. However, this does not mean that they have the highest priority. Sorry!
How is the life of an infidel – I was unfaithful.
We reveal to you how an infidel distributes his time between his partner and his lover.
The stark truth is that 52% of the infidels give more importance to their formal partner or spouse to the degree of interrupting activities (together, for example) to answer their call.
Emotional infidelity: much more common than you think?
What happens when your affair marks them? 73% maintain a firm posture: DO-NOT-DISTURB, that is, silence or send directly to the mailbox. OUCH
At nightfall, the temperature rises. Oh yes, although not for all of them.
This is reflected in the 21% night getaways, which meets its adventure after 9 p.m.
Communications director of Ashley Madison for the Hispanic market declares that the members live happily in their marriage. But with a missing aspect: “For some that are sex, for others, it is the feeling of being desired.”
Wow, everything indicates that the typical “the meeting or dinner with the client was extended” will continue to apply. Now with the comfort of not being an indication that love has died.
Five ways your partner can be unfaithful (without you noticing)
Can you or your partner be unfaithful without physical contact with someone else? Yes, and it is more likely than it seems. Discover other types to avoid them.
Ways in which your partner can be unfaithful without you noticing
But what happens when you do it without leaving evidence?
Here we reveal the various ways in which your partner can be unfaithful without you noticing. Pay attention and take action to uncover the deception!
Reasons why all faithless is discovered
Emotional infidelity
Without intimacy, you or your partner can fall into this type of infidelity without realizing a close friend.
If you start to have problems with your heartbeat and a friend works like your tear cloth. You can share with him an increasingly deep affection that you have with your partner which would confuse emotions.
By the web, I was unfaithful
Flirting on the internet is very simple, and yes, it is a way in which your partner (or you) can be unfaithful without the other person noticing.
Even if you never know the people you talk to, having contact with people you’re not going to see can be more than a friendship.
With “pretexts” – I was unfaithful
Not being satisfied or happy with yourself can cause either of you to fall into infidelity behaviors such as coquetry or “suspicious outings with people you like.”
The worst thing is that your partner justifies his actions with this speech or thinks that ” there is nothing wrong with doing it “!
Do you think your galána may be at this point? Suggest in a loving way that you attend therapy to solve your problems and look for the reasons that make you behave in this way.
Reasons why men are unfaithful
As usual, I was unfaithful
Many people are addicted to the adrenaline that causes infidelity because they no longer feel the same emotion they felt at the beginning of the relationship.
How do they do that? Through actions that generate jealousy and insecurity for your partner to create conflicts that stimulate emotion or even. Look for mystery situations so that they have a “secret” outside their relationship (without you noticing).
If your partner continually falls into this behavior and does nothing to solve it, it is best that you leave.
At work, I was unfaithful
Did you know that more than half of the infidelities can occur with people in the office? This is multiplied if the person in question has a job where he travels regularly. The way to fight it is an excellent relationship, work on it!
One of the biggest reasons for consulting people who go to couples therapy is infidelity. This phenomenon occurs relatively frequently in society, and couples increasingly come to the Psicode Institute with this reason for consultation.
Discovering infidelity can generate devastating effects on couples: trust issues, jealousy, frequent arguments, objections, threats of separation, loss of communication, etc.
Different relationship dynamics are created that destabilize the members of the couple, the couple itself, and even the family environment.
The challenge: overcoming my infidelity!
When a couple in this situation asks us for help, the crisis may even generate doubts about breaking the relationship. On other occasions, although they are sure they want to stay together. They are unable to get close emotionally. And this is where the professional’s work comes in.
A psychologist is an expert person, emotionally distanced from the problem. Whose objective is to help rebuild trust in the relationship and the feeling of union and cooperation that was broken by infidelity.
The couple therapist has an objective view of the problem, does not make moral judgments, or seek guilty. Analyze the situation and use scientifically endorsed techniques to help the couple.
Why was I unfaithful?
The causes of infidelity are very diverse. In recent investigations, among the reasons indicated by the respondents were: experiencing something different when having an affair.
Taking revenge for the previous infidelity of their partner, convincing themselves that they want to be with their partner, or ignite the spark on their relationship.
But the main reason they stated was “Gain confidence in themselves.” The most crucial reason why people are unfaithful. More frequent than the boredom of the routine of a stable relationship.
In our current society, seduction and the fact that others like it are highly valued. Infidelity covers the need for admiration that many people have. It helps them to have more self-confidence and improve their self-esteem.
The game of seduction catches and hooks the person. At first, the person begins the game of “fooling around,” without thinking about anything serious will come up. But little by little, he gets hooked on that dose of reinforcement provided by the other.
He feels very well knowing that he likes and seduces and does not want to stop touching it; for that reason. He continues with the game, which is becoming more and more addictive.
This self-esteem reinforcement is not only generated by the interchange of the other, but it is mostly created by oneself. Seducing involves displaying the prettiest part of yourself. This is where we fall into the trap: you get hooked on the feeling of feeling a “seducer.”
You get the best of yourself to captivate the other person and then “was! “The crush arises, you love yourself. It is a feeling that you had forgotten with your permanent partner because you no longer have to conquer it.
The latent love problems, I was unfaithful!
On other occasions, we find infidelity as a means to an end. That is, it is through it, the person’s way of expressing an unease in their relationship.
Some couples have problems and do not talk about it because it seems that “if you do not talk about them. It is as if they did not exist.” They distance themselves over time and do nothing to fix it.
They just let themselves go. The fact that one of the two people is unfaithful is usually the starting point to start talking about problems and solving them. It would be something like “bottoming out” to then resurface.
These people go to couples therapy, and their first reason for consultation is to overcome infidelity, but this is only the starting point.
When achieved, and there is reconciliation, it is time to start working on all those aspects that were failing in the couple. That is what has led one of them to be unfaithful.
“Will my couple be able to forgive that I was unfaithful?”
This is one of the questions that people who have been betrayed most ask when they go to therapy the first day. They say things like: “I would like to forgive. I don’t know if I will be able because I always promised myself that I would never forgive something like that.”
It is normal to have doubts about whether they will be able to forgive and that everything will be as before. Infidelity destabilizes the couple’s relationship. Generates conflicts causes trust in the other to be lost and break the feeling of union and intimacy. Fortunately, all of this can be recovered with the help of a professional.
The person deceived feels humiliated, betrayed, and helpless in the face of the situation. He usually feels a lot of anger, and a feeling of revenge towards the other and believes that these feelings will never change. So he feels he will not be able to forgive.
All people can forgive. Some people overlook easily, and others cost more.
The ease of forgiveness is also related to what “the infidel” does to be forgiven.
The severity of the infidelity, and how discovered (whether it was something confessed or not). In the clinic, we always find obstacles that prevent the reunion.
Go beyond resentment!
One of the critical elements of couples therapy is to digest the grudge of the person who has felt betrayed because while this emotion is at stake. It is difficult to move forward.
The sessions are not secure.
It is not about telling us positive things or remembering that we love each other and thinking that this is going to be solved. It is a much more in-depth work, of emotional unlocking, of adjustment of beliefs, of installation of new interpretations to re-create the connection.
That resentment gives way to forgiveness and confidence is installed again. Each session is different; in some courses, you work with the two members of the couple at the same time and in others separately.
The ultimate goal is to walk together again and for the couple to “reinvent themselves” after this crisis so that at the end of therapy. They both feel that they have not only overcome infidelity but have healed wounds of the past and have grown as people and as a couple.
Is everything that is usually heard about infidelity, right?
Are men more unfaithful by nature? Do unfaithful women lie better? These are complicated questions to solve. Some scientific studies have tried to unravel some of these issues.
Science and Data – I was Unfaithful!
The research findings are indeed revealing. For example, a research group from the University of Florida linked narcissism with cheating during the first stage of marital coexistence: “Sexual narcissism correlates positively with infidelity, ”they affirm, having studied the case of a total of 125 marriages.
Another investigation studied the slips in fishermen’s marriages on Lake Victoria in Kenya. The purpose of the study was to analyze the relationship between these infidelities and the spread of HIV.
It was discovered that several factors increased the likelihood of women having relationships beyond marriage: «The recurrence of gender violence, sexual dissatisfaction with the spouse, excessively large penises in an erection state, and the impossibility of practice different sexual positions.»
Are there “Infidelity Genes”?
Other research suggests that there may be specific genes related to infidelity. The behavior is motivated, in part, by genetic variations linked to the brain’s reward pathways.
A study by the University of Binghamton noted the presence of a gene of high variability that seems to be a decisive factor in modulating the tendency to the infidelity of the person.
As the researchers explained, natural selection chooses one or another variant of the gene according to the advantages or disadvantages offered by one or another behavior in the way of relating to the opposite sex.
However, they attest that sexuality, social behavior, and genetics influence an important degree. That the results should be viewed with prudence and only as one more indicator on which research should continue.
It seems that the frequency of simulated orgasms is closely linked to infidelity in women, and dissatisfaction in couples, as a statistical study of 140 women and 120 men warned.
The authors of the research cautioned that “orgasm signaling was an element chosen by natural selection in ancestral women” in contexts where fidelity was rewarded, and men collaborated in the care of the offspring.
What is infidelity?
Although it may seem like a quickly answered question, infidelity is not perceived in the same way by women and men. At least at that conclusion came an investigation conducted by the University of Kansas, having evaluated a total of 475 people.
He studied that men perceive infidelity as a sexual act, while women understand it as the consequence of an emotional desire. 90% of women considered that kissing another person is infidelity.
Only 75% of male participants agreed with that statement. On the other hand, 51% of men considered that sending text messages uplifted was infidelity, but the percentage rose to 68% in female opinion.
Where my infidelity took place?
Data provided by contact manager Ashley Madison collected. Among 170,000 users in the United States, 68% of infidelities are carried out in the workplace.
Certain moments seem to be more likely to commit adultery. Several studies suggest that Wednesday afternoons are the time of the week when more adventures occur.
Harvard University scientists explain that routine experiences and prolonged contact with the desired person. This routine can undermine the excellent resistance to infidelity.
Why I was unfaithful?
Many people ask this question. A statistical investigation with more than 74,000 participants found that 45% of unfaithful women are because they feel a strong attraction to the other person. While 32% confess to being unfaithful to feel more desired.
In men, it seems that infidelity has a more significant relationship with sex: 48% said they were unfaithful because they wanted to have more sex, and 46% said they wanted more variety.
I was unfaithful because I have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are those characters who, as they say colloquially, “fame has risen to their heads.”
Of course, narcissism is not directly linked to a person’s well-off socioeconomic position, but to the individual’s self-perception (that is, the perception of their worth, regardless of their social or economic status).
The true essence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder lies there: the narcissistic person is convinced that oneself is superior to other people. The narcissist compares systematically with the people around him. And sees no one above him but does place many below.
In technical terms, narcissism is characterized by being a general pattern of grandeur, poor empathy in personal relationships, and the need to be admired by others.
How was my narcissistic personality?
I tend to show as an individual with strong self-esteem. This high self-confidence does not make me a better person since, in the field of interpersonal relationships. I have significant shortcomings!
The narcissist always needs to be considered on a higher level than other people, either because he does not support any trait of these relatives, or because he has become detached from his old contact with them.
Because of this active disengagement from others, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack an authentic interest in others. Which we can summarize by their lack of empathy. They are not very worried about what might happen to people around them, but instead, focus all their attention on themselves.
They only approve third parties when they revolve around their orbit when they positively reinforce them based on flattery and thus ratify their self-perception and their airs of greatness.
Unfortunately, it is common for some relatives and friends of narcissistic people to fulfill this role of unconditional “admirers,” surprised by the halo of trust that the narcissist gives off.
The personality of the narcissist – I was Unfaithful!
People who suffer some degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder export their way of being self-sufficient and the air of grandeur beyond the family environment. They are usually individuals who develop in life and take advantage of their way of thinking about themselves.
Narcissistic people often do not feel comfortable when they have to travel by public transport or when they have to enter a hospital. They will tend to think they deserve better treatment or will complain if they do not grant them certain privileges.
In the case that they have a good job, they usually use their money to buy watches, shoes, clothes or sports cars of high standing. They consider that they are worthy of these badges: their status and the image of success is vital for a narcissist.
The narcissist’s speech tends to be self-referential. The narcissistic person expects his words to receive superior attention. It is not uncommon for them to be petulantly talking about themselves, about their life. Their (unquestionable) opinion about things, demanding full attention to everything they say.
Although we are used to seeing people of narcissistic profile on television or in the movies and can even consider them funny and eccentric. The truth is that routine personal treatment with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be irritating.
They are also characterized by being very spiteful people and tend to maintain attitudes of resentment and revenge towards others. They usually enjoy making other people feel bad.
In this way, they swell their ego and their feeling of superiority. They are competitive, and if they believe that someone can shade them. They will try to undermine the prestige and reputation of that person.
About the Author
