Extramarital Affairs Devastating effects
Except for illness and death, few situations in life can carry such devastating effects in a couple and family life. Cheating-Detector.org is conducting active research to understand, diagnose, prevent, interpret infidelity and deception.
Cheating Wife – Facts
Women spouses are less likely to cheat than men.
When a wife cheats, is likely to be an emotional affair.
Married Women are less likely (50%) than men to have a one night stand.
Women tend to cheat with someone who in their social circle; A friend, co-worker, peer, church, etc.
Women tend to have affairs with men who have more resources and status than their husbands. Women cheat with men who are better social relational individuals and understanding.
A women cheating is more likely to consider leaving her husband.
Women are likely to cheat because physical appearance when they are cheating (e.g., I’m still attractive, I’m still desirable, etc.).
When a wife has a one night stand, it tends to be with someone who is more handsome and physically fit than her husband.
Women are more likely to use cheating for revenge.
Cheating Husband – Facts
Men are more likely to cheat. In the United States, close to 50% of all men will cheat at some point in their lives.
Men are twice as much likely to engage in online cheating, services to arrange sexual encounters (including prostitution).
The economic power a man has, the more likely he is to be unfaithful. Wealth tends to attract women.
Men are likely to be drawn to the thrill of having sex with someone new.
Husbands are less likely to consider leaving their spouse when having an affair.
A man is more likely to have an affair with someone who is younger than his wife.
When having a one-night stand, men are less selective than women when it comes to selecting someone to have sex.
Men tend to feel that cheating is Ok due to the lack of sex within a marriage.
Cheating men are more likely to be serial cheaters (Multiple partners at the same time).
Extramarital Affairs Devastating effects
The rules of marriage are; We get married and stop having sex with others. The choice we make is a termination of our sexual freedom, the evidence of the seriousness of our marriage commitment.
People say, “I love my spouse. We love each other and are best friends and are happy together,” But I am having an affair. Why is that?
Adultery has existed since marriage, yet this general situation remains poorly understood.
Extramarital Affairs approach in America focuses mostly on the damage caused. The main concern the agony suffered by the betrayed as a violation of trust. It makes us question our past, our future, and even our identity.
Indeed, the array of emotions release in an affair can be devastating that many therapists turn to the field of trauma to explain it.
For centuries, when men tacitly condone affairs, this pain was overlooked since women mostly experienced it. In today’s western world, is more compassionate toward the jilted.
In focus on trauma and recovery, too little attention is given to the motives of affairs, to what we can learn from them.
Affairs can teach us a lot about relationships —what we expect, what we think, we want, and what we feel entitled.
Deception reveals our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment—attitudes that have changed dramatically over the years.
The new Marriage concept is not what it used to be, so Affairs are not what they used to be. Marriage main goal was a couple pragmatic alliance that secure economic stability and social cohesion.
We want everything the traditional family was meant to be and provide:
Security, Respect, Economic Stability, and of course Children. Now since women also make their own money, they also want true love and interest.
A couple should be best friends, confidants, and passionate lovers. We want our couple to provide us with stability, safety, predictability, and dependability. And that very same person to supply: mystery, adventure, and risk.
We create a perfect world, where love will remain unconditional, intimacy enthralling, and sex so exciting, with one person, for the long haul. And the long haul keeps getting longer.
Newlyweds by the time they get married, stop having sex with others. This conscious choice should rein our sexual freedom as proof of our commitment. By rejecting other loves or attractive people, we confirm the uniqueness of our “Sole-Mate”: “I have found The One. I can stop looking.” Our desire for others is supposed to go away.
Infidelity happens in all marriages, good and bad.
Why do people cheat? And why do happy people cheat?
Women tend to cheat on emotional satisfaction. Men cheat more from sexual motivation.
The leading cause of divorce is not infidelity is money!
Infidelity in the couple’s relationship has a substantial psychological, and emotional impact on the person betrayed and is the first cause of separation or divorce in our society.
We can talk about different types of infidelity:
Sexual or emotional, punctual or maintained in time; there may also be differences in the degree of involvement achieved, etc.
Each couple can have an implicit or explicit agreement about what they consider a “betrayal,” for some it can be a flirtation while for others it can be a sexual encounter.
Several studies have shown that the perception of infidelity differs between men and women. Men live worse, as a rule, sexual infidelity on the part of their partner, while women felt more hurt and betrayed with emotional cheating.
In any case, they usually appeal to a relationship or secret link that violates the commitment of an exclusive relationship.
All these aspects relate to trust, loyalty, and commitment.
Psychological effects of infidelity
Infidelity produces a severe breach of trust and a substantial emotional impact; the surprise factor can also play an important role.
The Cheating Victim is affected on a cognitive level and will tend to think about the subject frequently. These intrusive thoughts, mentally review dialogues, dates, and situations in which there could be lies, are very frequent and significantly interfere in the work performance and concentration.
It is common that if the couple stays together a level of behavior of hypervigilance develops by either of the two parties to ensure that the matter has ended and that similar situations will not happen again.
The victim can be over exaggerated about what happened, control expenses, view mobile phone, text messages, and agenda, etc.
The Victim Spouse tends to live in a continuous distrust, where the need for control becomes an obsession.
It is common for the couple to have frequent discussions that can escalate to be violent, aggressive behavior and the reproaches become a thing of every day.
Physical alterations can appear such as loss of sleep and appetite, as well as psychosomatic reactions (abdominal pain, diffuse pain, palpitations, etc.).
There are emotional disturbances; common suffer anxiety and depression — a mixture of negative feelings such as anger, shame, resentment, jealousy, disbelief and substantial alteration in self-esteem.
Overcoming infidelity is a long and complicated process, in many cases, it requires professional psychological treatment to initiate a process of reconciliation and reconstruction of the relationship.
Do not forget and you must help the unfaithful part because of the feeling of guilt that may be suffering.
The end of this process must be forgiveness; with this, we do not refer to the relationship or reconciliation, but to resolve a conflict and recover from the emotional wounds it has generated.
Since before our birth and until the moment we die, we spend a lifetime establishing and undoing links with people in our everyday environment. However, some of these relationships are so intense that their fading has strong psychological repercussions.
What is the emotional impact of the breakup of a couple?
The establishment of emotional bonds
As gregarious beings we are, people relate and interact with others to communicate what we feel or what they transmit to us at a given moment, to make requests, to debate, to share activities, etc.
In any case, some of the relationships we establish imply a more significant emotional intensity than others, as in the case of our parents, our closest friends, or our partner.
These types of links are characterized because they provide (or we hope that this is the case) a high degree of emotional security.
In other words, there is a high level of trust in the other person, which means that we feel more able to share with him or her not only our strengths but also our weaknesses.
This is especially significant when we find a romantic partner since this person will have the possibility of knowing us in many facets of our lives, with the “pros” and “cons” of our way of being.
Therefore, the three elements that experts consider crucial: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment.
Intimacy refers to communication in the relationship, what both say, the handling of conflicts, and the activities that the couple share. That is, the intention to spend quality time with the other person.
Passion, on the other hand, refers to the more strictly sexual component, the physical contact that occurs in the couple due to the attraction that exists between them. The search for such contact with the other as a moment of the union not only physical but also psychological.
Finally, commitment is a determining factor insofar as it relates to the willingness of both members to maintain the relationship over time. It is the joint life project, in which the one is present for the other in any planning in the medium and long-term.
The wear of the couple relationship
We have mentioned that three elements are critical to the optimal functioning of a relationship. But, often, we find that some (or several of them) are not occurring in the right way in a couple.
An absent or little assertive communication, poor management of the conflict, little or no respect between the parties, lack of sexual activity, or a doubtful commitment to the relationship are some of the most frequent problems in relationships.
There is often a “waterfall effect” which means that when one element fails, it is very likely that others will be affected by it.
For example, if the communication has been inadequate for some time in the relationship, it is very reasonable that this changes the sexual environment. Therefore, the intention to continue as a couple in the medium or long term.
When difficulties arise in the relationship, the members of the couple or marriage can try to solve them with their resources and strategies.
An option is to seeing themselves overwhelmed, with the help of a “Couple Therapist”. That can serve as guidance to improve those aspects that are seen as a deficit.
In those cases in which both members have an excellent disposition to collaborate. They will pick a psychologist, the therapy process is quick and effective.
However, there are situations in which the resources of the relationship are exhausted, the search for help is too one-sided (for only one of the parties).
It can arrive when the couple is so engrossed in their problems that they have emotionally worn out one or both members.
In these cases, the most common is that the couple or marriage (or one of them) agree or propose a break/separation.
So that each can continue with their lives independently. They will face the same or additional difficulties that they experienced while they were united.
The emotional impact of the break